


It's Illegal, Anyway!

by NOT_Kirie_Goshima



Category: Uzumaki
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4600695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NOT_Kirie_Goshima/pseuds/NOT_Kirie_Goshima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mitsuru needs to stop stalking Kirie. In fact, Mitsuru needs to stay nine-thousand feet away from Kirie. However, Kirie cannot seem to get that message across to him. Shuichi is confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Illegal, Anyway!

Mitsuru had been annoying Kirie for over a week now, always annoying shit like 'Kirie, I love you!' and 'You should ditch Shuichi and go out with me!' Mitsuru really needed to stop stalking Kirie, and Kirie couldn't seem to get that message across to him. She'd tried everything; politely telling him to stop following her, screaming insults and being as rude as possible, running away...everything. She'd even thrown her shoe at him, once. Nothing worked. Everywhere Kirie went, Mitsuru followed her. But now, Kirie was pretty sure he was gone.

There was a swingset by Kirie's house, where she was currently swinging halfheartedly, and while Mitsuru would stand outside her house in her driveway screaming, she was pretty sure he wouldn't be so insane as to follow her past her house into her yard. And if he did, she could always set Mitsuo loose on him; he could destroy anyone who could hear him by yelling about robots.

The image of Mitsuru getting Mitsuo's lecture about robots was a pleasing one, and Kirie found herself smirking at the idea. It was totally possible.

"Kirie? What's funny?"

Oh, right. Kirie had been so absorbed in thinking about Mitsuru being a lil shit, she'd totally spaced out and forgotten that Shuichi was there too. Dammit.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about school."

"You never find school funny. You find it annoying."

"Yes, but Tsumura sang a particularly funny song at Katayama today. It's still stuck in my head."

"Oh? What did it go like? Was it better than that last one about renaissance babies looking weird?"

Kirie giggled. That particular song had been the strangest blend of irritating and hilarious.

"Definitely better than the renaissance babies one. Pure lyrical genius! It went like, snail~♫ sir, you are fat~♪ See? Brilliant. Tsumura should be a proffessional songwriter."

"Ah. Yes, he certainly should!"

Tsumura couldn't sing, but he enjoyed making up songs on the spot to make fun of people (especially when ‘people’ referred to Katayama Norio); and those songs tended to be hilarious. Some very few of them were clever and funny; most of them were funny in just how bad they were. This was the case with Snail♫ Sir You Are Fat♪. Those were the only lyrics, and Tsumura had been singing them loudly and off-key at Katayama for several consecutive minutes.

"Yeah...Tsumura is a jerk, but he never does anything to me or Shiho; so as far as I'm concerned, his stupid singing is one of the day's highlights!"

"His voice must have improved since grade 9."

It had. Well...’improved’ here means that it had gotten stupid enough to be funny and not just annoying. Back when Shuichi had still gone to school in Kurozu-Cho, Tsumura's stupid singing had just been annoying (to Shuichi in particular, who had been a favorite vitcim of Tsumura's).

"Oh yeah. It's bearable now! Still cracks sometimes, though."

"Woo-hoo, yay Tsumura."

***

Hidden behind a house that was currently empty, Mitsuru was sure nobody could see him. Including Kirie. She obviously didn't know he was here. He wouldn't be so crazy as to venture onto her family's property (those Goshimas could probably take down a small army if they got annoyed enough with them) (well okay mostly Mrs. Goshima and her son could) (Kirie and Yasuo would more likely watch from the sidelines eating popcorn), but here was okay.

 _Hehe...I wonder what she's laughing about? I wish_ I _could make her laugh like that._

Just as Mitsuru thought this, a twig fell from the tree above his head, startling him. He couldn't stop himself from yelping, though quickly shut himself up; he was substantially far away from Kirie, so she wouldn't easily hear him, but he wasn't taking any chances. He'd ruin the surprise; not even a chance to jump out at her and start yelling, because she'd have known the whole time!

***

Kirie turned around so fast her head spun. She was certain she'd heard Mitsuru's voice, coming from somewhere behind her. Better keep my guard up. That moron is bound to jump out at any second now! Haha, imagine the look on his face when I don't react at all.

"H-hey...Kirie, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, sorry. I thought I heard something."

"Ah, okay."

There is was again. Mitsuru's voice. Muffled giggling. Closer, now. Well, Mitsuru. You annoy me. It's only fair that I do the same thing to you!

***

Mitsuru had seen Kirie look at where he was hiding! Damn it! She'd looked away, though. Maybe there was still hope?

Ooooor not.

Kirie had somewhat suddenly gotten off her swing and scooped Shuichi up in her arms, and was now in the process of very intensely making out with him. Shuichi seemed rather startled.

***

Okay. Just because Shuichi could see the future didn't mean he always saw  _everything_ coming, so when he was very suddenly picked up, he likely would've screamed--had Kirie's next move not been to kiss him rather forcefully.

"K-Kirie....what? That was...sudden."

_Haha, Mitsuru._

"God, Shuichi, we've been together for four years now. How do you never see that coming?"  
“Uh...”

Kirie smiled smugly, half at Shuichi's persistent shyness, half at how annoyed Mitsuru must be now. Shuichi leaned his head on Kirie's shoulder, smiling and closing his eyes (no doubt adding to Mitsuru's annoyance).

Kirie glanced at where she'd heard Mitsuru's voice before, smirking. _I hope you're watching this, kid. You've got nothing on Shuichi, you know._

***

Of course Mitsuru was watching, but more so that he could mentally scream about how Kirie should pull stuff like that on him and not Shuichi.  
_Ugh! What does she see in him? He’s gloomy and boring! I’d never be boring! Never! I could fill each day with surprise and awesomeness and -- and...uh, not-boring-ness! Even if I am only twelve. Who cares, anyway? Age is just a number!_

***

“Hey Mitsuru! I know you’re there.”

Oh, so that’s what was with the random makeout session.

“Hold on, Mitsuru’s watching you right now?”

“Shuichi. When is Mitsuru ever not watching me?”

Mitsuru, predictably enough, jumped out from his hiding place and shrieked in what he must have thought was a startling way. Kirie put Shuichi down. He nearly fell over. She simply crossed her arms, glaring at the seventh-grader.

“You’re getting too predictable, Jack-in-the-Box. Try learning how to be quiet next time.”

“I love you, Kirie.”

“So you’ve said.”

Having gotten up off the ground and brushed grass off his shirt indignantly, Shuichi was now glaring at Mitsuru. Without speaking, of course. Just sort of glaring, as hard as he possibly could, as if hoping to bore holes in the boy’s head. Mitsuru stared back at him with less than a third of the intensity.

“Seriously, Kirie? This guy’s the guy you’ve been rejecting me for? He looks like a walking skeleton! Ditch him and get with me!”

Both Kirie and Shuichi’s jaws dropped at this. All of the nerve! Kirie stepped closer to Mitsuru as intimidatingly as she could manage.

“Mitsuru! Nobody wants to date somebody who talks endless trash about the competition! And besides, you’re...what, thirteen?”

“I’m turning thirteen in a couple of months!”

“Well, I’m eighteen! I'm an adult, and you're underage; if I said yes, I'd be legally a pedophile! So go away! And my Shuichi does not look like a walking skeleton!”

“But--”

“Go away!”

With a loud and melodramatic sigh, Mitsuru trudged away. Kirie turned to Shuichi, who looked a cross between confused, offended, and shocked.

“Y’know, you actually do look like a walking skeleton.”

“Kirie...”

“But I’d rather date a literal skeleton than that guy. He’s really insufferable.”

“Ha, I can see why you don’t like him.”

Kirie smiled and lightly pecked Shuichi’s lips.

“He’ll grow out of it, someday. Hopefully.”


End file.
